Episode 21 – Cork Taint

Tia Carrere

“Ooooooh DREAM WEAVER! I BELIEVE YOU CAN GET ME THROUGH THE NI-HIGGGGGHT!” We’ve all seen Wayne’s World (I hope). And we allllll remember the megababe, lead singer girlfriend that Wayne inexplicably lands in this classic of American cinema. The actress who played FOXY Cassandra is Tia Carrere, a native Hawaiian who had childhood dreams of becoming a singer. ‘Smatter fact, all of Cassandra’s vocals from Wayne’s World are sung by Tia. But the 90s was all about acting and modeling for Tia, and she had roles in a number of TV shows and films.

tiaBy the early 2000s, she made a huge pivot in her career by returning to two of her greatest loves: singing and Hawaii. Tia has had an amazingly successful career as a singer in the Hawaiian tradition. She has twice won the Grammy for Best Hawaiian Music Album and was nominated two additional times for the same award. Yes – the hot chick from Wayne’s World has an entire separate career/identity as a Hawaiian singer. WE’RE NOT WORTHY.

Tune into “Episode 21 – Cork Taint” to learn all about this Where Are They Now?

-CJ

 

Temple Grandin

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Temple Grandin is truly one of the most interesting and inspiring human beings with the most INSANE and surreal life story. She is a full blown animal whisperer, who was able to make sense of her own autism after observing cattle on a farm during her youth. At the age of 18, Temple invented what she called a “squeeze machine”, a deep pressure device designed to calm hypersensitive people. She got the idea on her Aunt’s ranch where she noted the way cattle were confined in a squeeze chute for vaccination, and how some cattle immediately calmed down after pressure was administered. Several therapy programs in the U.S. now use squeeze machines, reporting calming effects among both children and adults with autism.

Temple has also helped improve the way farmers and ranchers care for their animals by designing pens, walkways, devices, and buildings that would improve the animals’ quality of life. She has dedicated her life to reducing the suffering and anxiety of animals and is a huge advocate for the humane treatment of livestock for slaughter.

Temple had her first formal diagnoses at age 40 where they determined her to be an autistic savant, a condition in which someone with significant mental disabilities demonstrates certain skills that far exceed the average person. Temple is a genius, and Temple is an animal whisperer.

Listen to “Episode 21 – Cork Taint” to hear Temple’s full INSANE life story!

-Melissa

Episode 20 – 20/20 with Melissa & CJ

Barbara Walters

“This is 20/20, and I am Barbara Walters.”

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I. CONIC.

Barbara Walters is, of course, one of the best-known broadcast journalists EVAH. She was the first woman to ever co-anchor an evening network news program, she has been nominated for 27 Emmys, has won an additional 5 Emmys, and has such powerful pussy magic that men literally fist fight over her.

Barbara has interviewed just about every “important” public figure of the last 4 decades: presidents, world leaders, Oscar nominees, dictators, Michael Jackson. Her scoop interviews and “personality journalism” are her trademark. She’s not afraid to ask the hard questions – or the shitty questions – or the silly questions – or the abstract questions. While she doesn’t always play fair, Barbara has worked her ass off while deflecting an endless parade of douchery from her male colleagues. Her decades-long rise to sit comfortably at the top of her industry is undoubtedly well-deserved.

Learn more about Babs’ career in “Episode 20 – 20/20 with Melissa & CJ.”

-CJ

Vitamin C

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For episode 20, I decided to be snazzy and go with the year 2000 theme. With so many badass babes being produced from Y2K … who the hell would I choose? So I thought to myself, what does 2000 mean to me? Well, I was 11 years old and in 6th grade as the clock struck midnight on December 31, 1999. I was anxiously waiting for the world to end as I sat on my purple inflatable couch weeping as my cassette player sounded off the music and lyrics to the only song that truly made sense in that moment…

“As we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together, and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever!”

By the power and grace of God, the world did not end and Vitamin C was born!

Vitamin C’s pop single “Graduation (Friends Forever)” was released in 2000 and hit the radio like a fucking wrecking ball. The single reached the top 10 in Australia, Canada, and Ireland as well as number 38 on the US Billboard Hot 100. To this day, it remains the number one song that leaves per-pubescent teens weeping as they graduate from Middle School and say goodbye to the same sack of shit kids they’ll be seeing three months later in Junior High.

Vitamin C’s musical career took a bit of a plunge in the mid-2000’s, so she utilized her talent and knowledge to help support young female artists in the music industry. She produced the girl group The Stunners and wrote several songs for Disney artists, such as Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Today, Vitamin C is living Melissa’s dream job as the VICE PRESIDENT OF MUSIC for Nickelodeon!

Learn more about Vitamin C’s comeback career in “Episode 20 – 20/20 with Melissa & CJ.”

-Melissa

Episode 19 – Heaux, Heaux, Heaux

Miss Piggy

Listen here, bish. Miss Piggy is a feminist icon. “She’s not even real!” you might be screaming. “She’s just a puppet!” are words that may have just leapt from your treacherous mouth. Au contraire. She is tres, tres REAL. Missy Piggy is a fierce fashionista, a karate master, and one of the universe’s most recognizable and adored divas. She is a New York Times bestselling author, a movie star, and in 2015 she received a Sackler Center First Award from the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum.

misspiggyI wanted to cover someone fanciful for the Heauxlidays episode. This bacon back bitch fit the bill perfectly. Miss Piggy models some pretty incredible behavior to women: She has taught us to get what we deserve and trust that we deserve it. She believes fully in her identity as a megababe, and is unafraid to karate chop any and every person or puppet who dares to disagree. Miss Piggy says what she wants, when she wants – and that’s the kinda pig I want on my team. Still not convinced of her status as a feminist icon? Let Miss Piggy tell you in her own words why you’re mistaken: http://time.com/3908787/miss-piggy-feminist/

Learn about the lasting legacy of this porky dame in “Episode 19 – Heaux Heaux Heaux.”

-CJ

Viola Desmond

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A lot of great things come from Canada – maple syrup, polite and chivalrous men, moose, ice hockey, and Viola Desmond. Viola is considered to be the Canadian Rosa Parks. She grew up with an interest in professional haircare and skin-care products for black women and decided she wanted to make a change. She opened her own line of beauty products, Vi’s Beauty Products, and she opened The Desmond School of Beauty Culture so black women could receive proper training. Viola’s school operated using a ‘vertical integrationframework’, students were provided with the skills to open their own businesses and provide jobs for other black women. All sounds great, right? Wrong.

Viola Desmond was arrested at a movie theater for sitting in a seat that was designated for white people. When she was asked to move, she refused, and was arrested for 12 hours in jail. Why you ask? Well, the tax on her purchased balcony seat was 2 cents and the tax on the floor seat in which she sat was 3 cents. Viola was convicted of stealing 1 cent from the government, a charge motivated by racism that was legally pawned off as tax evasion.

Many, many years later, Canada felt shitty about what they did and decided to invoke the Royal Prerogative and granted Viola a free pardon, the first to be granted in Canada. Unfortunately, Viola wouldn’t live to see this pardon as she passed several years prior.

Learn about her full story in “Episode 19 – Heaux Heaux Heaux” plus, some real life facts about that bacon back bitch above!

-Melissa

Episode 18 – Solved Mysteries

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Agatha Christie

Agatha Christie was a behemoth book writer. She is the best-selling author of ALL TIME, with anywhere from 2-4 BILLION copies of her books in print. Her most popular book, “And Then There Were None” has sold over 100 million copies worldwide and is considered the most successful mystery novel of all time. Yes – Agatha Christie was a mystery writer. But it wasn’t enough for her to write mysteries on the page: this heaux wanted to create them in real life.

On December 3rd, 1926, Agatha goes upstairs to kiss her daughter goodnight. She goes back down stairs, climbs into her car, and drives off. When her car is found abandoned in a roadside ditch the following day, people completely lose their shit. Over 1,000 police offices, 15,000 volunteers, and a fleet of aeroplanes are deployed in the search for Agatha. Her disappearance makes international headlines. Her photograph is published on page 1 of the New York Times. For 11 days, no one catches sight or word of Agatha. Speculation runs rampant. Some believe the entire thing is a publicity stunt; others think that her philandering husband murdered her; still others believe that following the death of her mother and her husband’s affair, she simply lost her mind and ran away.

On Day 11, the police receive a phone call from a musician in Harrogate, claiming that he has seen Agatha alive and well at the Swan Hydro Hotel…!

If you want to know how this mystery ends, you’ll have to listen to “Episode 18 – Solved Mysteries.”

-CJ

Nelly Sachs

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In the Sisterhood’s most depressing episode, Melissa tells the story of Nelly Sachs, a Nazi Germany survivor who went on to win the Noble Prize in literature. Nelly’s story is much like you’d expect, concentration camps, death, loss of loved ones, and sorrow. Nelly and her mother were lucky to board the last flight from Nazi Germany to Sweden a week before they were scheduled to report to a concentration camp. While ‘lucky’ really isn’t the best choice of words, her survival inspired her to produce poetry and plays that spoke for all those that were silenced due to their untimely persecution during the Holocaust.

Nelly made it her life’s mission to create art by telling raw, unfiltered stories about the horrors of the death camps. Her work is considered a combination of mourning and memory, while most pieces conclude with themes of forgiveness. In 1961, Nelly became the inaugural winner of the Nelly Sachs Prize, a literary prize awarded by the German city of Dortmund that was named in her honor. She also accepted the Peace Prize of the German Book Trade in 1965, from the country in which she fled. A year later, she won the Nobel Prize on her 75h birthday, telling the audience “I represent the tragedy of the Jewish people.”

Don’t let the darker tone of this episode deter you from listening. While her story is tragic, Nelly represents strength, bravery, and determination to stand up for her people and be a voice that refuses to hide social injustice under the rug.

Learn more about her life in “Episode 18 – Solved Mysteries”.

-Melissa

Episode 17 – The Power of Changing Your Hair

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Madam CJ Walker

Everyone loves a good bootstrap story, and you can’t get more “Started from the bottom now we here…” than Madam C.J. Walker. Born black in Louisiana only 4 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, Madam C.J. Walker (then known as Sarah Breedlove) worked in the cotton fields and was an orphan by age 7. She spent her early life living with family members and deadbeat husbands. By her mid-30s, she was working as a laundress in St. Louis, busting ass for barely more than a dollar a day, intent on keeping her daughter enrolled in school. She was married to some absentee asshole and, on top of all of this crap, she starts to lose her hair.

Part of why I love Madam C.J.’s story is because she found the key to her fortune and success through what at first seemed like an unfortunate circumstance. In her effort to try to fix her failing hair, she came across Annie Turnbo Malone’s “Wonderful Hair Grower.” This hair product would change her life. She quickly became a saleswoman for Malone’s hair product, making way more money than she’d ever made while spending her days speaking with other black women. By 1906, she had relocated to Denver, started her own hair product business, and married Charles Joseph (C.J.) Walker.

This is the power of fixing your hair, bish.

Madam C.J. Walker became hugely successful and was one of America’s first black female millionaires. Over the course of her career, she employed tens of thousands of African Americans, most of them women. She became well-known as both an activist and philanthropist, and when she passed away in 1919, she left ⅓ of her estate to charity. Hers is truly a remarkable, redemptive story.

Learn more in “Episode 17 – The Power of Changing Your Hair.”

-Madam C.J.

Lauren Chamberlain

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Lauren Chamberlain is a professional softball player and body positive icon who’s on a mission to transform girls into women by promoting athleticism. In a sad deficient world consisting of plastic social media influencers that promote unattainable body goals, Lauren is here to motivate our youth to find empowerment in strength. Our bodies can do incredible things and they can be pushed to physical lengths most women aren’t determined to experience. Lauren is using her fame and her imperfect athletic body to show girls that beauty can be found and achieved by utilizing our muscles and exercising our physical strength.

Lauren was featured in the 2018 ESPN magazines 10th Anniversary “Body Issues” edition where she posed naked to show off her curvaceous body, tummy rolls and all! She’s captured naked in a variety baseball stance positions and holding her bat, posed and ready to hit a ball. The photos are raw, real and unedited and show that even the most successful career athletics have the same extra pounds of fluff like you and I. Lauren loves her body, she loves it enough to slap it naked on a magazine cover to be displayed to a world that HATES imperfection. That’s some fucking balls right there, pun intended.

Hear more about Lauren’s incredible softball career and her body positive mission in “Episode 17 – The Power of Changing Your Hair”.

-Melissa

 

Episode 16 – Breakups, Blues, and Brothels

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Victorian sluts

Grace Peixotto

Entrepreneur, whore, and daughter to a Jewish priest, Grace Peixotto was Charleston’s most notorious lady of the night. Grace was born on the island of St. Thomas in 1817 and moved to South Carolina with her parents as a wee babe. Following the death of both of her parents, Grace took her inheritance and invested it in the New York stock market – PSYCHE! Grace took her coins and pumped them all into revolutionizing the whoring industry of Charleston.

She first built a 3-story brick building on Beresford Street that came to be known as the Big Brick Brothel. She gathered a gaggle of “respectable, ladylike whores” (to use Grace’s own words) and opened her doors and legs for business. The existing heaux game in Charleston was NOT cute – it consisted primarily of mattress warehouses, gigantic open rooms full of cots where people banged it out with zero privacy. Duh-skusting. Grace elevated game by turning the bottom floors of her establishment into a parlour where men could smoke cigars and drink bourbon before heading upstairs to PRIVATE rooms for a little shebang.

Her establishment quickly became popular for its discretion and high-brow vibe, she bought additional properties, and she made BANK off of her brothel. When she died in 1883(ish), her funeral was the second most widely attended in Charleston history, second only to former U.S. Vice President John C. Calhoun. Her Big Brick building was an operational brothel until 1942, when it was shut down by the U.S. Navy (too many sick sailors, perhaps?). In 1996, the building was purchased by, I am not fucking kidding you, the Balzac Brothers. Talk about a happy ending.

Learn more about Grace Peixotto in “Episode 16 – Breakups, Blues, and Brothels.”

-CJ

Janis Joplin

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Janis fucking Joplin, need I say more? A delicate, radiant, sweet sunflower with the voice of 45 person Baptist choir. Janis was a beautiful soul with a musical gift that could heal, connect, accept, and provide meaning to so many. Although her life was short, Janis remains a legend today, tomorrow, and forever. She was a simple girl, seeking much of the same things in life as you and I. She wanted friendship, she wanted acceptance, she wanted appreciation, and she wanted to her heard and loved for all that existed within that small stature and large vocal chords. Fuck, I’m only 1 Baileys and coffee deep and I’m already tearing up! Janis is my greatest idol, she’s someone I’ve looked up to for years and someone who’s life I’ve subconsciously replicated in many ways – good and bad.

As a kid in Texas, Janis didn’t fit in. She wasn’t pretty enough, she wasn’t skinny enough, and she couldn’t connect with the vibe of her community or classmates. She was an outcast, but she used this rejection to her advantage and created an edgy image in an attempt to belong to something. She was able to attract a group of musically inclined guy friends and they dove head first into the blues and jazz world. Later, Janis fled to San Francisco so she could finally coexist in a world full of her kind of people.

But like most of those who flee to San Francisco, Janis found it difficult to execute her game plan as she was overwhelmed by sex, drugs, music, and mayhem. Janis had a few lesbian lovers, she banged it out with Pig Pen from the Grateful Dead, she saw Otis Redding live after being dosed with acid, she joined the Big Brother Band on backup vocals and tambourine… but ultimately took over and became the star of the show. The crowds wanted Janis, soooo what’s a girl to do?!

“Don’t compromise yourself, you’re all you got”

Listen to “Episode 16 – Break Ups, Blues & Brothels” to learn the full story of the “first lady of rock’n’roll”.

-Melissa

Episode 15 – Witch Titties at the Moose Lodge

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Marie Laveau

Marie Laveau is perhaps the most notorious and mythologized character in New Orleans’ colored history. While she wasn’t the first, she was certainly the most famous priestess of NOLA’s voodoo tradition. Much of her story is shrouded by mystery and time, but we do know that she was a Creole woman (a person of mixed descent, usually Afro/European, always a baptized Catholic) and a free woman of color in the era of American slavery. She was a devout Catholic by day and a voodoo priestess by night. Local legend went that Marie Laveau never grew old and could not die – a legend likely strengthened by the fact that she had a voodoo priestess daughter, also named Marie Laveau. People often mistook mother for daughter, or vice versa. This public confusion around Marie Laveau’s age and identity added to the myths around her immortality.

Marie the 2nd was perhaps even more well-known than her mother, hosting massive weekly voodoo gatherings on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain that drew hundreds of attendees. Both women provided medicinal and ritual aid to their community, though the exact extent of their powers remains unknown. Some New Orleanians adored the Laveaus, others despised them, but just about everybody in town feared and respected them. To this day, Marie Laveau is invoked in voodoo rituals, and her indelible mark can be found in the art, legend, and spiritual landscape of New Orleans. The body of Marie Laveau the 1st is supposedly entombed in New Orleans’ St. Louis No. 1 Cemetery in the French Quarter. The final resting place of Marie Laveau the 2nd has never been found.

Learn more about the history and myths surrounding Marie Laveau in “Episode 15 – Witch Titties at the Moose Lodge.”

-CJ

“La Planchada”

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In the Sisterhood’s SpOoOoOky episode, Melissa introduced “La Planchada” a legendary female ghost in Mexican folklore. “La Planchada” was a nurse that worked at Hospital Juarez in Mexico City who continues to appear in her old 1920’s nurse uniform, perfectly ironed and crisp. Legend has it this ghostly nurse was a real woman by the name of Eulalia who had a reputation for being loved by her patients due to her undivided attention and care. *Dun, dun, duuunnnnnn*. But then a sexy doctor joined the hospital staff, gave Eulalia that good D, proposed to her, cheated on her, broke her heart and left her in a deep state of depression. Eulalia was so distracted by sorrow that she began neglecting her patients, resulting in the death of a patient under her watch. Oops!

Eulalia fell ill realizing the horrible mistake she’d made, and ultimately died in the hospital where she worked. Alas, Eulalia came back reincarnated as “La Planchada” and floats the hospital hallways checking up on patients, many of which have seen her and been cured by her. Talk about a comeback! You go Glen Cocoooo, I mean, La Planchada!

Check out “Episode 15 – Witch Titties at the Moose Lodge” to learn more about this spooky legendary tale + bonus story about Melissa fear of raccoons!

-Melissa