You know how everyone goes through an Ancient Egypt phase when they’re a kid? I went through mine a little late, at the ripe old age of 31. For several weeks at the end of 2018, I spent many nights sitting at my desk, stoned, watching any and all documentaries on Ancient Egypt that hadn’t yet been caught by Youtube’s copyright bots. I happened upon one such series that actually wasn’t boring – “Immortal Egypt” hosted by Egyptologist Joann Fletcher. (Yes – Egyptologists are a thing.) Dr. Fletcher is an eccentric and entertaining fireball, and I highly recommend anyone who is even remotely interested in Egyptian history to check out her videos.
One of Dr. Fletcher’s documentaries, “Egypt’s Lost Queens” mentioned a female pharaoh named Hatshepsut, who ruled in the 18th dynasty from 1478-1458 B.C. Largely regarded as one of Egypt’s most successful pharaohs, Hatshepsut came into power following the death of her husband Thutmose II. His heir, her stepson Thutmose III, was too young to rule, so H-shep was like ‘Mmmmm lemme just slide onto this throne here real quick.’ A prolific builder, Hatshepsut led Egypt into a period of peace and prosperity. But we almost never knew about her.
For reasons unknown, her baby back bitch step son began to erase her from the historic record at some point in his reign. He went so far as to have her name and image removed from buildings and statues. He was a real asshole about the entire thing. Luckily, Egyptologists eventually found some hieroglyphs that, loosely translated, said “Hey this was a female pharaoh. And she was fucking great.” Learn all about the Egyptian Pharaoh that history almost forgot in “Episode 12 – Genesis Ch. 1, or whatever.”
Eve? Eve who?
The biblical book of Genesis contains two contradictory stories of humanity’s creation. The first is known as the Priestly version where God creates man and woman simultaneously. The second is known as the Yahwistic version, where God creates Adam, places him in the Garden of Eden, and then decides to provide him a companion known by the name of Eve. Isn’t it strange that God’s PR team only promotes the second story – Adam first, Eve second? Why did Lilith’s story die and get overshadowed by Eve? Ohhhh, that’s right, because Lilith dumped Adam and bounced out of the Garden of Eden to go fuck the archangel Samael.
Legend has it that Lilith and Adam fought all the time and didn’t agree on pound town. Adam wanted to be on top, but Lilith wanted a turn in the dominant position too! When compromise couldn’t be met, Lilith bounced on dat ass and left Adam alone to fend for himself. A guy, fend for himself?! The blasphemy! God replaced “first Eve” with “second Eve” to meet Adam’s need. But this time, to ensure “second Eve” wouldn’t be as strong, intelligent, or independent as Lilith, God made her from Adam’s own rib to ensure she maintain a submissive and obedient nature. But then, the snake. Don’t get me started on the snake.
Tune in to “Episode 12 – Genesis Chapter 1, or Whatever” to hear more about the original first woman that God’s PR team marketed as the sex-crazed demon who snatches up babies in the night.